Well we had a little more excitement this weekend than I would have liked. On Saturday T had a baseball game, here in town. It started at 12 and the girls and I planned to go up as soon as we had lunch. I got the girls set up with their lunch while I fed Peanut. I finished up with her and laid her on the bed. She’s just started rolling with frequency so I made sure to lay her to where she could roll to either side and still have plenty of room.
I headed to the kitchen to check on the other two before I changed her diaper. I found a mess of applesauce so I stopped to clean it up. It couldn’t have taken more than two minutes when I heard a loud thump followed by loud crying. I ran back to the bedroom and sure enough she’d fallen off the bed. I felt so terrible! I set her on the bed all the time and she’s never moved more than a few inches.
I just “happened” to have been washing the sheets so all the pillows were on the floor. She was actually half under a pillow when I picked her up so I think she fell off, onto the pillows, but then pitched forward into the hard wood floor.
She cried for probably less than a minute, and then kind of just snuggled into me. I checked her all over and didn’t find a bump or even a red mark so I started to think maybe she didn’t hit her head, but then she started acting REALLY sleepy and was just very still. At this point in her life she is never still. She is always moving, reaching, and grabbing. I went to get my phone to call the nurse hotline and she threw up all over. I texted T and called the nurse. She had started to perk up a little at the point, but the nurse said it would be a good idea to take her in to the ER to get checked.
T came home right away and got Bug and Boo. Peanut and I headed up to the hospital. Once again, I was glad we live in a small town. It was more like a visit to the clinic than the ER…even calmer actually. The hospital was quiet and the only people we saw were the admissions lady, the nurse, and the doctor. They checked her out, and thought she looked just fine. She was acting totally normal at that point and had no bumps or bruises anywhere. She might have a slight concussion, but they just said to watch her carefully for the next 24 hours.
Thankfully the 24 hours passed without any problems, and she has been totally normal ever since. Of course I’ve been super cautious with her, and have hardly set her down unless I’m sitting right next to her. When we got home from the hospital it was time for her nap, but I just couldn’t put her down so I carried her around till she fell asleep. I try not to do that since she never gets as good of a nap, but I knew it was going to be either hold her or sit in her room and stare at her while she slept.
Of course I felt SO terrible! None of my babies have ever fallen off of anything, and I am very cautious with them. I had even just told Noni, “She’s starting to roll a lot more so she probably shouldn’t nap on the bed anymore.” and then I went and left her on the bed! I told T, “Sorry I broke the baby.” and he said, “You’re not feeling guilty about this are you?”
“Of course I am! I left her on the bed when I knew she was rolling!” He told me it was just an accident, but there is no way I could not feel responsible.
While I was sitting there rocking her T texted and asked how she was. I texted back and then opened up a blog post I had been reading earlier. It had a link that lead me to read this post by Big Mama where I read this “And sometimes that’s what motherhood looks like. Second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances. We’re going to make mistakes and we have to give ourselves grace.”
I love the way God “speaks” to my heart. He may not speak in an audible way, but He always gives me exactly what I need to hear, at the time I need to hear it whether it be through a friend, through His word, or through a blog post. :) Right in that moment, rocking my precious baby that could have been seriously hurt, while I was beating myself up, He gave me the grace to forgive myself and just be thankful. Thankful for my sweet babies. Thankful that He protected our little Peanut. Thankful for pillows thrown carelessly on the floor. Thankful for my husband. Thankful for a home baseball game. Thankful for our lives together. And thankful for grace.