I hate complaining. I like to think of myself as a pretty positive person and when things aren't going well I try not to dwell on it. When someone asks me how I am I want to say, "Great!" even if it's not true, because it IS true that no matter how bad things get there are still so many things to be thankful for! It's hard to find that line between staying positive and being honest. And to be honest right now is a just plain miserable time in my life! At 34 weeks this pregnancy is kicking my fanny!
It's actually not the pregnancy, it's my fibroid tumor...or one of them I should say. I have three, but only one of them is affected by pregnancy. The are all tiny normally, but the one, for some reason, grows with pregnancy hormones. There's really no explanation for why it is bothering me more this time. You'd think the bigger it is the worse it would be. I think it was near 10cm with K (the size of a softball), and it didn't bother me a bit. It was 8cm with Boo and again, didn't bother me. It was 5.5cm with A (and this baby) and I had two episodes, both when I'd been walking a ton. It hurt like crazy (so I thought) but was nothing compared to this time around. I tried to get a not-disgusting picture of it. When I lay flat on my back it sticks up...you can see it bubbled up there on the right.
My doctor thinks it is going through some "red degeneration" which basically means the blood supply is getting cut off and part of it is essentially "dying". That seems like it would be a good thing, but the unfortunate side effect is extreme pain. Like can't-stand-up-force-yourself-to-breathe pain. It feels just like when you get a stitch in your side while running, with varying degrees of intensity. It started on December 1st, and is extremely random and sudden. I can be going along just fine and it hits me. The only thing I can do is lay down on my left side until the pain passes. Most of the time it fades quickly, but comes right back as soon I try to stand up. Usually I have to stay on that left side for at least an hour, and for some reason the couch is my best bet to relieve the pain. Consequently Cocoa has become my new best friend. She seems to think I lay there just for her comfort. :P
So for right now it's all about coping with the pain when it comes on. We've discovered that sitting straight up (like on the pews at church) or just plain trying to stay on my feet too long are triggers. Sometimes the pain is mild and I can work through it, and other times it screeches right to the top of the pain scale. I actually do pretty well at home because I can just go about my normal business for an hour, lay on the couch for an hour, repeat.
I do have two different prescriptions from my doctor to help with the
pain. We tried a milder one first, and it really does nothing. The
stronger one helps only if I take it as a preventative, like when I know
I'm going to be doing something that aggravates it. If I wait until I'm
already in pain it doesn't even touch it. I try really hard to cope
with it through resting rather than taking the medication because it has
side effects. If I were to take multiple pills a day the baby could
actually go through withdrawals like a drug baby! So I never take more
than one a day, and try not to take one two days in a row. I would
rather be in pain than hurt her even though my doctor assures me that
using it as little as I do won't affect her.
Honestly it's more frustrating than anything. I am not someone who enjoys idleness. It seems like every day I have a list a mile long of things I need to get done and it's really irritating to have my body at war with my ambition. :P
The girls don't seem to mind that Mommy spends hours on the couch lately. In fact, they rather like the captive audience. They put on Pandora and perform shows for me.
Usually I don't slow down long enough to watch their shows so they're happy. :)
And a silver lining...thanks to T's laptop I have gone from being SO FAR behind on my digital scrapbooking to being almost completely caught up! Normally when I need to work on a book I force myself to spend at least an hour a day on the computer, turning this blog into photo books, but I haven't kept up with it and was over a year and half behind. It usually takes me a good month to get a book complete at that rate. Thanks to the many, many, MANY hours spent on the couch the last few weeks I have completed three books, and am currently caught up to August of this year!
All under the watchful eye of my faithful heating pad. :)
Several sweet friends from church have offered to bring meals, watch the kids, and Noni has even come over just to clean the house. Grandma brought lunch one day when they came over. I've been learning lessons in humility and accepting help from others, and we are very blessed to have friends and family to take care of us! Thankfully T is not a big dinner person anyway. He and the girls think it is a treat to have cereal for dinner rather than Mommy making them eat vegetables. Haha :)
K is very good at making egg sandwiches and has done so several times, and the girls are pretty good about playing and entertaining themselves. I am happy to report that the last three days I have been feeling a lot better! Still in pain, but it has been totally manageable...I can stay upright and walk through it which is a huge improvement! But I am definitely still counting down the days! :) Less than 6 weeks left! And my doctor indicated that he is willing to induce me once we get closer to the end so it might be even less than that. Grow baby grow! We want to meet you sooner than later! :)
